Hackenpuke Hump Day
(Before we begin, Looking at that pic, I am reminded of Uncle Rico in Napolean Dynamite),
” I bet I could throw that football all the way to LA!”
So, Mickey Macc has been back to his Bible again. Leviticus this time.
“And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out”
Apparently, One Jets Drive was not impressed.
Sidebar: – One of my other female coworkers, Special K, is so badass, she was on the way to work in a hellish thunderstorm of Noah like proportions, hit the median at 65, totaled her car and came to work anyway. Totally hardcore, so much so in fact that she could give Lizzy Hale a run for her money…….
So anyway, the Jests…Horace Greely’s advice is followed and young man Hack goes west to LA, for a (Seriously don’t laugh, this isn’t funny) conditional 7th round pick. Now that is some serious horse trading, sports fans. Turn a high Second-round pick, (51st overall) into a wasted roster spot, (more on this in Part II)…setting the organization back a year or two…Then managing to wrangle a 7th rounder (basically an 80% chance you could have gotten the player as a UDFA) for a guy that should be running Truck to Door sprints wearing the Brown of UPS. Except even they know that he can’t fucking deliver.
And of Course the NY Press, is critical, but not savagely so, and savage is what is called for here, so let’s get to the NY Press first.
The venerated HST once wrote…
“The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuck-offs and misfits — a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”
I mean FFS, the best writers in sports write in the Ether. Most here at PFT. You like the ‘Boys, you read Van. Info, Connor, Laughs…..Well, you’re already here..When is the Dead Tree Media, going to start hiring WRITERS, instead of maudlin mid-management editors and recalcitrant writers that refuse to go out on a limb? When you live for sports, you should be as entertained as Judge Reinhold, whacking off as Phoebe Cates exits the pool and lets them out.
Try getting that excited about the next column in the NY Post or the NYDN. Manish is a great guy, but…seriously….entertaining….not so much
So, let’s talk all things, Hackenberg. The kid is 23. Maybe someone finds that part thats been hidden his whole career (and yes, he sucked in college to observers, except the guys in the booth). He just wasn’t that good. How Mickey Macc fell in love with him, and how the scouting staff was in on this cruel joke of Karma, is truly mindboggling. Now here I would be getting into his stats versus the previously waived Bryce Petty, except…HE DOESNT FUCKING HAVE ANY. Petty gets waived, (yeah, yeah, fifth year, I get it) winds up in Miami with (albeit ephemeral) a chance to start. Hackenberg gets kept until…and again, don’t laugh, this shit is not funny
The first day of OTAs????? Why let the kid waste friggin gas money, and work up a sweat, only to get traded, for a ham fucking sandwich. Stay Classy Mickey Macc. Though Maybe it was unreported that Duh Raiduhz were so heavily invested in that conditional 7th rounder that they had to send a contingent out to Florham Park to scout the Opening Day of OTAs.
Now, We are supposed to have faith in the Duh’Arnold pick. By the same guy that just ripped off the ‘developing talent’ fig leaf, he had been using for Hackenpuke, and leaving as a backup for McCown,…well, let’s be honest, remember losing the AFC Championship game in Denver?
“There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. . . .”
And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. (Hobbes…Clearly the Vagiants and the Patsies, lol). Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting— on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. . . .”
So we lose the AFC championship game in Denver, and come back next season, looking good, and then week one, Testaverde shreds his Achilles tendon, on a non-contact play.
“So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.” ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”
No backup for Vinny, Parcells pulls off the coaching job of a lifetime, getting to 8-8 with Ray Lucas.
Mark Sanchez. 4-2 in the Playoffs, great Playoff stats. Tannenbaum fired, and John Idzik, who should have been tarred and feathered, hitches his wagon to Geno Smith? AYFKM?
Idzik (the accountant turned GM) had Sanchez on his way out before the GM seat was warm, and one still wonders if the call was made from upstairs to insert Sanchez, in the 4th Quarter of a meaningless preaseason game, effectively ending his career. I mean, Rex couldn’t be that stupid, and his silence on the matter and the lack of media scrutiny (see above) has always smelt like Omerta to me.
Remember, the Head Coach is merely Caporegime, The GM, el Capo de tutti Capi, and the Owner (RIP Al Davis) The Godfather.
There is no surefire way to pick QB’s But let’s face it, we had Namath, O’Brien, Testaverde, Pennington, Sanchez. Only O’Brien had a capable backup, and if Joe Walton had Played Pat Ryan when Kenny got his finger injury, we aren’t in Cleveland for the Gastineau thing, we are at home. Just saying.
But, Geno Smith, Hackenberg, RIck Mireri? It’s pretty bad when the best backup QB the team has had in 3 decades was Tom Tupa, another great Jets player from tOSU.
Res Ipsa Loquitor.
I want to know what you think…
C’mon enter the Tigers Den.